Lazy summer days
by PaintedBlank
Summary: The Marauders have the Potter's house for two weeks in summer.What will they do with all the free time and general lack of parents? Sun tan of course, well among other things.
1. Red Lobster

Disclaimer: Since I must, I will, I dont own the characters. I do however own some of their drastically bad ideas that are presented in this fic

a/n: its a complete fluke that the abbreviated form of this fic is LSD but I found it amusing anyway**

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**Lazy Summer days**

"Mmm"

"Yeah"

"Double mmm"

"What he said"

"Moony, you make excellent strawberry daiquiris. Ever considered a career as a bartender? I hear the Hogs Head is hiring," said Sirius languidly from his lawn chair.

"I'd rather not, my passion lays with cooking," replies Remus

"You're cooking tonight then, last night was a disaster. I still can't believe James set the kitchen on fire while washing the dishes," stated Sirius.

"Yeah…that surprised even me, I didn't think it was possible. But then again that's me, always doing the impossible" mumbles James.

"Now remind me why we're sun tanning like teenage girls?" questioned Sirius.

"'Cos we're all as white as sheep and you know that" retorted James

"But were the Speedos really necessary?" said Remus unconvinced.

"Do you really want a farmer's tan? Those are so messed up. Plus, we have nothing better to do," piped up Peter from his lawn chair.

"Well we could be swimming _in_ the pool instead of sitting _by_ it like nancy boys," complained Sirius.

"I feel like a slow roasting turkey," said Remus

"And you smell like one too, now turn over its time to tan the back," replied James

Oh, they complained, but they complied.

The four sixth year boys who normally call themselves the marauders, who were known for being mischievious, handsome, clever boys were indeed sun tanning. They were all spending two weeks at the Potter's house. James' parents were on vacation in Switzerland, or was it France? Frankly, no one remembers. It might have been Belgium actually. You should ask James.

The four boys had to fend for themselves. Cooking, not getting arrested, keeping themselves entertained, trying not to destroy the house and keeping it remotely clean. Well no, not that last one, although Remus would wish it were otherwise.

Suddenly, a shrill scream was heard that seemed to go on….and on and on. Seriously

"Peter, shut up!" Sirius said as he threw a foam pool toy at the offending blonde boy

"I'm melting! AAAHHH! It burns!" said Peter as he hopped up from his chair and was jumping about trying to fend off the sun's rays.

"You didn't put sunscreen on your back you tit!" laughed Sirius, pulling up his sunglasses to get a better view of Peter's misery.

"I am NOT a breast accessory!" yelled Peter in between his jumping about.

"Hah, an accessory? It's much more than that Pete, now get inside and put a t-shirt on. You skin looks like its bubbling," added James.

Peter runs into the house still screaming. A couple more minutes passed in silence.

"Y'know, I'm bronzing rather nicely. I'm going to look like some kind of…bronze god," said Sirius as he was admiring his new tan.

"Pah!" exclaimed Remus as he looked as his tan, "You always get everything done right. Look at me, I'm turning red! I look like a lobster!"

"Life sucks and then you die Moony, get over it. You look fine to me, although your nose suddenly looks abnormally large" chimed in James.

"My nose? What's wrong with my nose?" exclaimed Remus, feeling his nose up self-consciously, "It's always been this size!"

"Oh…well then, my mistake," answered James.

"I can't believe this! My nose IS abnormally large!" exclaimed Remus yet again. He seems to be exclaiming a lot, it must be because he's a lobster, I mean, 'werewolf'.

"Don't worry Moony, Prongsie here is just being an idiot. Your lobster nose looks fine to me" chuckled Sirius knowing this was the wrong thing to say.

"You two are such gits, why do I even bother with the two of you?" replied Remus annoyed.

"'Cos you looooove us, and you have to cook for us or we wont survive?" questioned James lightly.

Remus narrowed his eyes at them in this evil glare that he thinks is menacing but just sets his mates off into fits of laughter.

"Oh stuff it, and let me tan red in peace," mumbled Remus and sets about trying to ignore his friends

"Pads'?" calls James quietly over Remus' head

"Yeah, mate?" replies Sirius just as quietly looking over at James over Remus' head  
After which James mimes throwing their sulking friend into the pool to which Sirius quickly agrees. They get up out of their lawn chairs and sneak up to Remus who is turned on his stomach and doesn't see them coming.

They look at each other over Remus' head (they seem to be doing a whole lot over his head), grin like maniacs and pick Remus up chair and all and throwing him into the pool. A small squawk is heard from Remus before he hits the water and then all sound is lost and he is submerged.

The chair floats to the surface and bobs silently but Remus doesn't come up. James and Sirius look at each other worriedly. They can see their friend stuck at the bottom of the pool and get more and more worried. James finally decides to dive in and help.

Underwater James makes his way to Remus, he couldn't miss him really, the red beacon that he was and the only thing in the pool. When he gets to Remus he discovers that his lobster friend has got his Speedo stuck on the drain, somehow. Trying to hold his grin back James pulls Remus free and pulls him to the surface with him.

They both emerge gasping for air with Sirius looking on, holding towels out for the two of them.

"You idiots almost killed me with your larking about…again!" sputtered a very annoyed Remus.

"Look Moony, we're sorry! We never try to kill you on purpose, really!" James offered a smile.

"But it happens anyway! When I couldn't get my damn Speedo off that drain I thought I was a goner and that my last words had been 'let me tan in peace'" glared Remus.

Sirius couldn't help laughing.

"You're Speedo was stuck on the drain?" he got out between guffaws. James started a slow smile but stopped when he saw Remus huffily pull himself out of the pool and into the house, slamming the door.

"Oh bugger, he's going to get wet marks all over the place until he finds himself a towel," complained James, still in the pool. As if on cue Remus storms out again, pulls the towel out of Sirius' hands and storms back into the house, slamming the door again.

"Oh bugger, so this means he's probably not cooking for us tonight?" asked Sirius sadly. James shook his head in reply and got out of the pool. Making his way to the house, he tried the door and found that it was locked

"Oh bugger," said James despondently

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To be continued...What will happen to our two heroes stranded in the backyard? Who will cook dinner now? What colour is the shirt that Peter finally put on? Where did Remus learn to make such good strawberry daiquiris? Does it matter? Tune in next time to find out...

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reviews make authors happy. make this author happy. or else. no seriously, please review 


	2. Yellow Mankini

A/N: Apathetic readers! 60 views and 3 reviews? How am I to know if you like the story if you don't review? Pah

Disclaimer: No, still don't own the characters. Oh but I will...

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"We're so screwed!" chattered James through clenched teeth. The weather had taken a

turn for the worse and they were still stuck outside in their Speedos.

"No, no we're not! Don't give up Prongs! Never give up! We'll just have to jump on the trampoline, gain enough momentum and try to propel ourselves through that window right there, its simple" said Sirius as he pointed to the tiny little bathroom window on the side of the house. Really though, where else are windows if not on the side of the house?

"Are you insane? We'll never fit!" exclaimed James, but it was too late Sirius was already jumping up and down on the big trampoline in the backyard that hadn't been there earlier but was there now because it's a plot convenience, whoa this is a ridiculously long run on sentence.

Meanwhile, inside the house Peter was enjoying a bubble bath with chamomile and a hint of vanilla to soothe his sun burnt skin.

In another part of the house our resident lobster was sulking…err I mean reading.

"Just a few more bounces and we'll be iiiinnnn!" screamed Sirius as he flew through the air and through the only open window. James tried the same thing and went SPLAT against the side of the house; he then fell to the ground unconsciously.

Sirius on the other hand had luckily made it through the window without a scratch and right into…bubbles. Lots of bubbles

"What the HELL Peter?" questioned a thoroughly shocked Sirius.

"What? Just 'cos I'm a male I can't take bubble baths?" asked Peter defensively.

"In a yellow mankini? Where did you get it anyway?" questioned the still shocked Sirius.

"I'll have you know its Mrs. Potter's actually, that vixen. Look at how much cleavage this shows" replied a completely non-fazed Peter.

"Oh that's even worse! Stop it! Why are you even wearing it?" spat out Sirius disgustedly.

"Bubbles may be pretty but they make my...uhh sensitive areas irritable."

"And you needed to cover your nipples? They're completely useless anyway!"

"I…I wanted to feel pretty. And what about you? Why did you have to come through the window anyway?" asked Peter distractedly as he fiddled with his straps.

"Because Moony locked us out! Moody bastard…" replied Sirius.

"Well why didn't you two wankers go through the front door?" asked Peter curiously, wondering how the two brilliant pranksters couldn't figure that out, "That door is never locked anyway."

Sirius stared at him blankly; obviously this had never occurred to him or James.

"Now get out of my bubble bath you poofter!" said Peter irritably.

"I'm the poofter? You're wearing a bikini to make you feel pretty!"

"You're the one staring at my fun parts!" said Peter as he made an attempt at covering his "moobs" (man boobs :D) with his hands.

"Fun for you maybe," grumbled Sirius as he got out of the bathtub, "Of the four bathrooms in the house you choose the one that I'm going to land in?"

"Hey! At least I broke your fall, you should be grateful."

"Fatty"

"Poofter"

"Shut up" said Sirius as he stole Peter's towel and wrapped it around himself like a girl, under the arms and around the chest. He got out of the bathroom and made his way to the kitchen dead set on making himself a sandwich.

He opened the fridge and stared into it for a while until finally deciding there was nothing to eat since he was too lazy to actually make something. He opened the freezer to see if there was anything in there and started humming.

Above his tuneless humming he could make out the soft pitter patter of rain. Quickly it became a downpour and distant thunder could be heard rumbling. There was even some lightning. The heavy rain had turned to hail. He looked out the open kitchen window to stare at the lightning and hail, all very pretty, when suddenly a black shadow appears jumping about yelling and banging on the window. Scared shitless, Sirius drops his bag of frozen peas the contents of which he had been munching on and grabbed a butcher's knife to try and defend himself against this crazed maniac.

"Padfoot! You prat, you forgot to open the bloody door for me! If the rain hadn't woken me up I'd still be lying unconscious by the wall because of your stupid plan!" yelled a thoroughly wet and angry James through the window.

"Frozen peas?" offered Sirius through the window.

"Open the door you wanker, I'm getting pelted by bloody hail out here and you give me uncooked PEAS?"

"Right, the door. I'm coming"

At the door Sirius asked James something through the door

"What's the password eh?"

"You have _got_ to be kidding me! Open the door before I freeze to death! You try explaining to my parents why their only son is dead because he didn't know the password to get into his own house when they get back from Norway," yelled James.

"Norway? I thought it was Sweden? Speaking of dear old Mrs. Potter, Peter is wearing your mother's yellow bikini. Now what's the password?"

"He's… what? Why? We'll have to burn it now! Is it dinosaurs? The password is always dinosaurs!"

"Not this time, access denied" replied Sirius huffily.

"Padfoot is the greatest?"

"Oh, why thank you Prongsie, but no denied again"

"Mcgonagall wears yellow underwear?"

"She does? That's awful, but again no dice"

"Water is wet? Pineapple? You idiot just let me in already," yelled James, pounding his fists on the door.

"Na uh"

"LET ME IN!"

"Ooh, I just changed the password!"

"You arse, when I get my hands on you there won't be anything left of your smugness. Is it frozen peas?" James ventured a guess

"Access granted"

"I hate you."

"No you don't."

"Will you just let me in already? I got the password right."

The door was unlocked and a very haggard looking James staggered in, still only wearing his Speedo.

"Why are you wearing your towel like that?" asked James staring at Sirius' towel around his chest.

Sirius was spared having to answer that question as a shout was heard from the landing of the stairs

"It's been half an hour! Isn't anyone going to check if I'm alright? I could've been eaten alive by bugs in my room and you wouldn't find out until it was too late"

"We would've been up sooner if you hadn't locked us out of the house!"

"The front door was open you gits, it's always open! And anyway I wouldn't have "locked you out" if you hadn't thrown me into the pool"

"Well we wouldn't have thrown you into the pool if you hadn't…hadn't…err well. Look Moony we're sorry, really! Will you still be cooking tonight?" pleaded Sirius as his stomach rumbled loudly.

"Please say you will!" piped in James as he stole Sirius' towel that was really Peter's towel from around him and started drying himself.

"All you want is a cooked meal from me?" asked a very annoyed werewolf, "ARRGH!" yelled Remus as he slammed the door.

"Moody Moony, our little werepuppy is probably near his time of month, you reckon we should lighten up on him a bit?" asked Sirius looking over at James

"Nah, where's the fun in that?"

"You speak words of wisdom my friend"

"Uhm…guys? Could someone please hand me a towel?" pleaded Peter from the bathroom

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To be continued...Are cooked meals a thing of the past for our four heroes? What was Remus reading? Why does Sirius eat frozen peas? When will Peter stop acting weird?

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Reviewwwww! 


	3. Greenish Ice cream

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, must you keep checking? Are you just trying to remind me of how unbrilliant I am? Hah unbrilliant is now a word. I own that. You can't take it away from me.

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Our scene opens to three very hungry 16 year old boys standing in the kitchen surrounded by various foods, none of which were cooked.

"Mmm… cheese" said Peter picking through a cheese platter

"Stop eating the cheese! We'll need it when starvation kicks in," snapped James whacking Peter's hand away from the platter.

"Cheese is to be eaten! Let me eat!" whined Peter still picking through the cheese platter and only eating the aged cheddar. The platter had arrived via owl post from Mom and Dad Potter in Germany.

"Isn't it France?" questioned a curious Sirius. _Shut it Sirius, if anyone knows where they are its me!_

"No, I won't shut it. Think about it, Germany isn't exactly known for its fine cheeses," argued Sirius. _Neither is France! Now stop talking to the author and start cooking before I starve the lot of you! _

"Who are you talking to?" asked James curiously.

"Not too sure," replied Sirius munching on some Brie and staring at the light fixture.

"Y'know what we should do? Cook this meal as if we were on one of those muggle cooking shows!" said James enthusiastically in between mouthfuls of Camembert.

"Excellent!" shouted Sirius.

"Really?" came the high pitched squeak from James and then started babbling, "'cos I thought it sounded cool in my head but then I started talking and it just didn't sound that great anymore."

"I was talking about this excellent Gorgonzola you nut," said Sirius offering James some.

"Ooh, that really is excellent," comments James as he licks his fingers, "now how about it? A pretend cooking show! It'll be excellent. Argh, has anyone seen my thesaurus?"

"Have you lost your mind? Don't you remember the last time you tried to cook? Why don't we just order in?" protested Sirius.

"But it'll be fuuuun! And I'll follow the direction in the cookbook this time," pleaded James on his knees

"They never use cookbooks on those cooking shows," said Peter off-handedly around pieces of Monterey Jack

"Well we can't disappoint our viewers. For authenticity's sake screw the books! No Peter not literally. Peter! Peter, get away from those books! Ahh, sod it, now we'll have to burn those too," grumbled James.

"Fine, bloody cooking show it is," said Sirius.

"Yes! Peter start crushing garlic," enthused James, throwing two giant bulbs of garlic against Peter's head, "Sirius! Find the pasta, I know its here somewhere. And put some water to boil. I'm making meat sauce!" commanded James taking charge.

"Do this Sirius, do that Sirius, go there Sirius, let me play with your hair Sirius" mocked Sirius under his breath as he shuffled towards the pantry

"What was that?" called James from the stove.

"Nothing"

"So are we going to let Moony eat our meal?" asked Peter.

"Yeah we should show him how much we don't need him," came the yell from the pantry.

"But we do! He's the most well read out of all of us" said Peter defending Remus.

"You should really lay off with the lobster jokes," said James

"Not red! Well read! As in he had read a lot!"

"Err…right. So what should our show be called? How about 'The Magical, Marvelous, Magnificent, Mystical, Marauders Cooking Show'?" asked James

"Too long, I'll never remember it. By the way I hope you realize you're ignoring our viewers," replied Sirius and was pointing to a blank wall opposite the kitchen.

"You have a point there," said James.

"Where?" asked Sirius weirdly as he searched his chest. James sighed at his friend and started talking to the wall.

"Hello to our audience who came out today and to all of our viewers watching this at home. Today, we'll be making pasta with meat sauce and lots of garlic. For dessert, ice cream we found in the fridge that looks greenish."

"I think…I...almost…AAAAAAAAAAHH!" was all that was heard of Sirius before the pasta bottles fell on his head in a loud clatter.

"Help me," moaned Sirius.

"Just a minute Padfoot," yelled James before turning back to the wall, "And now a quick word from out sponsor. Peter go help him out my meat sauce still needs a lot of work. Where's the wasabi by the way?"

"What do you need wasabi for? Its meat sauce!" cried Peter

"It needs a little something."

"It's Italian! Add oregano or something herby" replied Peter from the pantry as he picked a bottle of alphabet macaroni off Sirius' head.

"What's that racket down there?" called Remus from upstairs.

"Dinner's all under control Moony! You'll see soon enough!" yelled James.

"Alright… if you say so," replied Moony unsurely, "I'm going to take a shower; I hope dinner is ready by then."

"I hope so too," mumbled James under his breath while stirring his green tinged meat sauce. Sirius had finally gotten out of the pantry with a bottle of what looked like some kind of pasta under his arm. He then dumped it all into the boiling water. Peter in the meantime was meticulously cleaning all of the garlic by hand getting the skins stuck to his hand and under his fingernails.

"I swear they must have books on peeling garlic in Italy! I don't know how they do it, this is taking forever," complained Peter.

"No no Pete, this is how it's done," said Sirius as he came over, turned the knife blade flat against the garlic and slammed down on it with his palm thus crushing the garlic and making the skin easier to remove (I saw this on the food network, it really does work)

"Where did you learn that?" called an awed James from his spot by his sauce.

"That chick…with the hair, on that cooking show. The one with the knife," replied Sirius.

"Ah…how vague."

The smells wafting up to the bathroom were sickly and oddly…sweet. James had just added some powder he found in the cupboard to his meat sauce because it wasn't thickening. Now it was thickening to an almost solid that wobbled when he poked it with his spoon, it had also turned pink

Peter had finished peeling and crushing two whole bulbs of garlic and was now adding it to James' sauce. Sirius' pasta was sticking to the sides of the pot because he hadn't added any salt and it was bubbling over. And the sauce you ask? It changed colour every time Peter threw more garlic into it, it was almost like a potion.

"Well I think I'm done here" said Sirius dusting his hands

"Same here"

"Me too, now we just need to present it. Someone get the parmesan!"

Four sprigs of parsley later they were done. And for a wonder it looked…like normal penne with meat sauce. The pasta wasn't overcooked or undercooked and the meat sauce looked delicious in its normal colouring. "And that ladies and gentleman is how the Marauders do pasta. Tune in next time when we show you how to make meatball subs," said James with as much cheese as he could muster towards the wall and his "audience".

Remus made his way down the stairs with excellent timing. The delicious smells wafting from the kitchen surprised him. He couldn't smell smoke and there wasn't any screaming. He made his way to the dining room and there in front of him were the four most appetizing plates of pasta he had ever seen. There was even a parsley garnish and grated cheese, and what looked like the remains of a cheese platter.

"Well I've got to hand it to you guys, you did excellent even without me," remarked Remus moving to take a seat in front of a plate.

"It just means we're capable," replied Sirius smugly over the dinner table

"Not to mention super cooks!"

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry about the little hissy fit guys. I guess I was acting a tad bit paranoid," apologized Remus.

"A _tad_? Try 5 tads and 18 smidgens," laughed James, "Now dig in!" And so they did.Spearing the pasta with their pasta forks, making sure it had lots of meat sauce on it and putting it in their salivating mouths.

Only to spit it out seconds later.

"You're just lucky I'm not a vampire," said Remus disgustedly as he spat out his pasta, taking a drink of water.

"Peter! Too… much… garlic!" coughed Sirius.

"Ahhhh my tongue, my tongue!" yelled James holding his tongue. So it sounded more like "Ehhhh meh thung, meh thung!"

"I don't know, I kind of like it," said Peter digging in. They all turned to stare at him as he chomped down on the rest of his garlic ridden pasta.

"I guess we're having cheese for dinner?" asked Remus as he reached for the cheese platter.

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To be continued...Howis Peter immune to so much garlic? How was an owl able to carry a whole cheese platter all the from whats-that-place? Were there two owls perhaps?What were the ratings for the Marauders mystical marvelouscooking show? Will any of these questions ever be answered?

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I feel like a cheerleader. 

One...two...you know what to do. Review Review Review!

yay!

Oh and by the way, its the long weekend and I'm going camping. I won't be able to update till Monday. Chow for now!


	4. Brown sludge

A/N: Sorry. Long time, no update. No inspiration. Not feeling funny. This is a really short chapter.

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Today was a day of reading in the Marauder household.

Remus was on the roof quite intently reading "An idiots guide to self tanning"

Peter was in the bathroom reading "Everybody poops" while sitting on the toilet, very constipated.

James was in the living room reading the local newspaper looking for something to do, when he came across an article about the circus being in town.

Sirius was in the pool reading the sign beside the pool that said "I don't swim in your toilet don't pee in my pool" while peeing in the pool. A shout was heard from the roof which made him stop.

"Sirius, why is there a yellow cloud floating around you in the pool?"

Another shout, this time from James.

"We should go to the circus!"

"I don't want to be seen in public with you wankers," yelled Sirius from the pool.

"You do realize we're the only ones you're ever seen in public with right?" shouted the voice of reason from above. And from above I mean the roof.

"Ohhh! Circus' usually have kettle corn. I love kettle corn," yelled Peter out the bathroom window. He had given up on his book, complaining there weren't enough pictures.

"I hate kettle corn," yelled Remus poking his head over the edge of the roof.

"Are you kidding? Kettle corn is the most delectable combination of sweet and salty you'll ever find," yelled back Sirius.

"I just don't like popcorn in general. It gets stuck in your teeth and then you're left with two options. Either put your finger in your mouth and try to get it out and look like an idiot or you're left sucking on it all day and trying to get it out with your tongue, but then your face screws up into all these weird faces," yelled James from the living room window.

"That's what toothpicks are for Prongsie," yelled Sirius who was now drying himself off by the pool and trying to dispel the yellow cloud he had left in the pool.

"You know…this conversation would be a lot easier if we were in the same room," yelled Remus.

**Later…**

Now they were in the same room, which happened to be Peter's bathroom because he still wasn't ahem done his duty. Heh heh…duty.

At least the rest of them had their backs turned to give him some privacy.

"You should eat more bananas Pete," said James helpfully.

"You just need more fibre in your diet, or some laxatives," said Sirius, also helpfully.

"I cannot _believe_ we are having this conversation," added Remus dryly, "How long has this been going on for Pete?" asked Remus, also trying to be helpful.

"4 days," moaned Peter from his porcelain throne. The boys all grimace.

"Ouch," said Sirius, unhelpfully.

"You think?" moans Peter from the potty, just as he lets out a huge fart, "Ahhh," he sighs in relief.

"Ewww," whines James, plugging his nose.

"Oh god! I can still smell the garlic!" complained Sirius

"Bask in the ambience my friends! Bask!"

"I will not bask! Some warning next time maybe?" asked Remus as he starts spraying some air freshener, "Mmm lemony. And where did you come up with a word like ambience anyway?"

"Fell asleep on a dictionary last night," replied Peter.

"Ahh," replied Remus.

"Hey, so what about the circus?" asked James getting back on topic, "They've got contortionists Sirius…they're bendy," winked James suggestively.

"Don't wink at me like that you horny stag!" cried an offended Sirius.

"I don't see why we should go, we have nothing better to do," said Remus leaning against the bathroom sink very coolly. He didn't seem to realize the sink was still wet and leaving a stain on his rear in the shape of a giant U.

"You can't be serious!" cried Sirius. Oh the hilarity.

"Circus' are for children! Tots! Ankle biters! Wee ones! I will not be seen at the fair!" said Sirius stubbornly. Oh the alliteration.

"They have stuffed animals, pretty girls in summer dresses might be there, there's kettle corn," cooed James.

"You lie!" screeched Sirius.

"Never to you," grinned James coyly.

"Well okay then…for a little while," mumbled Sirius.

"There's a good boy. Does the good boy want a cookie? Does he? Does he?"

"I am not a dog!"

"I beg to differ" added in Remus.

Prrrrrt.Grunt.Grunt. Plop. Splooooosh!

"Ahhhh," sighed Peter in relief, "The agony is finally over! I swear I must have popped a bloody vessel back there."

"Oh this just went from bad to worse. We'll continue this "witty banter" elsewhere!" roared Remus as he stormed out, completely unaware that the wet mark on his backside and the two buttons on his pockets had created a giant smiley face on the seat of his pants.

"Oh that was grand," laughed Sirius, "Nownot that thiswasn't a great potty but I can't breathe."

James could only spare Sirius a glare for his bad pun because he was having the same problem as Sirius.

"I'm going to pass out from lack of air," said James still plugging his nose and running out of the bathroom. Sirius was hot on his heels, but made sure to close the door so as not to let the stink get out.

"Guys! No, come back! The toilet paper!" wailed Peter. The toilet paper, sadly,was out. And so were his friends.

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To be continued...Will James get popcorn stuck in his teeth? Why weren't James' parents mentioned this time around? Who used up all the toilet paper and forgot to refill? Somethings we'll never know...

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God that sucked. If you think so please say so. It was mostly just a filler chapter. Its two bloody fifteen in the morning. Its only fitting that the abbreviated form of this chapter is BS 


	5. Orange platforms

Disclaimer: Don't own nuffin. Well no...thats a lie. I mean I do own somethings, just nothing in this fic. Well no thats a lie too cause I guess I own the plot of it right?

**Rose Tinted Glasses.**

"Peter, will you hurry up?"

"Sometime today would be nice."

"I don't know guys…" said Peter coming out of his room, "Is this outfit too busy?"

"Too busy?" spluttered Remus.

"That bag, those shoes, you can't be serious?" asked Sirius incredulously. This only confused Peter.

"I thought you were Sirius?" asked Peter.

"I am. What are you…ohh. That's clever," said Sirius clueing in.

"What is?"

"You are."

"Am not! …Hey! You tricked me," whined Peter.

"Peter, get changed! Sirius put your shoes on _after_ you put your pants on. And James you aren't seriously going to wear _that_ are you?" shouted Remus, bossing everyone around. He was the only one decently dressed and ready to leave for the circus.

"What?" asked James looking down at his clothing, "Chill it's the seventies man, I'm allowed to wear tie dye."

"Rose tinted glasses and a peace sign around your neck going a little far don't you think?" asked Remus.

"Nah, I'll fit right in with all the other muggles," replied James trying to fix a flower in his messy hair.

"It's a wonder none of us have girlfriends," Remus mumbled under his breath shaking his head.

Twenty minutes later they were finally dressed. James wearing platforms, bellbottoms, the whole deal. Peter wearing a yellow track suit. Sirius wearing the exact same thing Remus was wearing.

"I cannot _believe_ you," gritted Remus through his teeth, "You _knew_ I was wearing this!"

"I can't help it that you find my fashion sense so appealing you have to copy me," replied Sirius dismissively.

"I was dressed first!" protested Remus, "Sod it! We've already wasted enough time getting dressed and I am_ not_ changing!"

"Whatever chickens your chow mein mate," said Sirius as he walked out of the house. Peter right behind him and James stumbling after them, trying to get used to his platforms. Remus sighed and closed the door behind him.

It wasn't a very long walk. Neither was it very eventful…until.

"Ah poopie!" whined Peter.

"Not now Peter. You should have gone before you left the house," cried an aggravated Remus. He was only aggravated because people they passed kept pointing out that Sirius and him were dressed the same. Like he didn't know!

"No, I mean I stepped in poopie," whined Peter even louder.

"Stop calling it that!" snapped Remus.

"Oh, so that's why you smell funky. I thought it was that new cologne of yours," said James looking down at said 'poopie', "Dog or human do you suppose?"

Sirius sniffed around.

"Definitely a dog, golden retreiever, female in heat. Ohhhh I want her," moaned Sirius still sniffing around. He received three very disgusted looks.

"You don't know what it's like!" cried Sirius defensively, "Smelling a dog like that…" he trailed off with a dreamy look on his face.

"Mangy mutt," muttered Remus dryly continuing to walk. The others followed shortly.

They could start to hear the sounds of a crowd and a loudspeaker. They were almost at the circus.

"Alright Prongs, you're the one that read the article about the circus. How much are tickets?" asked Remus sensibly.

"Tic…tickets?" asked a thoroughly shaken James. He hadn't brought any money and hadn't even checked prices.

"These things aren't free you know. Muggles like to make a profit," explained Remus.

"They make prophets? They _make_ those holy men that tell prophecies?" asked Peter.

"No…Peter, it isn't like that. Oh nevermind! Do any of you have money?" asked Remus growing more annoyed.

"I have a few galleons," said Sirius pulling them out of his pocket unhelpfully. Remus just glared at him.

"I have a few pounds around here somewhere," said Peter patting around his blinding yellow track suit looking for his muggle money.

"A few pounds you say? Try looking around your waist," mumbled Sirius, chuckling at his own joke. Peter had finally found his money (In his pocket of all places). Remus quickly counted his money and Peters to see how much they had.

"Well, it looks like there's only enough for me and Wormtail," said Remus looking up from his counting, "You two will have to find another way in, good luck." And with that he was on his way to the gates with Peter trailing leaving his two friends behind.

"That snotty arse faced…I can't believe he would just leave!" cried Sirius.

"Oh come on, look at the bright side. We're good at sneaking around we can get by those muggles no problem," said James reassuringly. He was already surveying the grounds looking for a way in.

"You're right."

"I'm always am."

"James, stop talking to yourself its disturbing," said Sirius.

"I wasn't talking to myself!" said James trying to defend himself.

"Riiight and I am a poodle."

"Are you?"

"No!"

"Then why did you…" But James was cut off.

"Just because you're dressed like a hippie doesn't mean you have to start acting like an idiot."

"Right, right. Anyway, I was thinking, why don't we just jump over the wall?" asked James.

"Yeah, that's good enough. I think anything else would just be unnecessary."

They got over the wall easily except for James who had some trouble climbing with platforms on. No one saw them jump the wall, nor were they caught on the other side.

"Well that was easy," said Sirius dusting his hands off.

"Almost too easy," replied James suspiciously. Suspicious bastard.

"Well, we should go find Moony and Wormtail."

"Right, but try to keep together. This crowd can just take you in like a whirlpool," said James analyzing the crowd.

"Good plan," replied Sirius.

Two minutes later they had lost each other and were heading in opposite directions.

Meanwhile…Remus had left Peter at a game stall where he had already won 3 stuffed animals. As Remus was meandering about he came across a large group of people crowded around one of the tents to stare at something. Curious he stopped to catch a glance of what it was.

What he saw frightened him more than anything. He had never seen anything this horrifying before. He couldn't believe something like this would be out in the public. Children might see it.

It was a wolf-man.

Remus let out a small scream and promptly passed out. Largely, he was ignored and the crowd just stepped over or around him.

On the other side of the grounds Peter was still winning stuffed animals. He was also naming them, rather unimaginatively might I add.

"And you will be Joe," cooed Peter as he pointed to a blue monkey, "And you look like a Bill," said Peter as he squinted at the green cow. His arms were full of stuffed animals and he was still winning more at the stalls. He was unnaturally good at throwing things to hit other things to gain him prizes.

Sirius had stumbled upon a dog show. He was captivated. The dogs were so talented, so well trained. He had never seen anything quite as spectacular. He cocked his head to the side scrutinizing and perked his ears up, well he tried to anyway.

"Hey sweetie, like what you see?" drawled a low female voice in his ear.

"More than you can imagine," mumbled Sirius still captivated.

"I'm glad," drawled the voice, "What say you and me skedaddle and go back to my tent? I'm on break right now." So, he was getting hit on by someone from the circus. He turned around flashing his best smile, thinking of how women adored him and couldn't keep their hands off him. What he saw shocked him to his very core.

She was pretty alright, great figure, twinkling blue eyes, full lips…full lips that were covered by a beard! He was getting hit on by the bearded lady! He panicked. He didn't know how to react. She already had her arm latched to his and was pulling him away towards her tent he guessed. Na-uh, there was no way he was going to let this happen. He did the only sensible thing he could think of.

He screamed and ran away, wrenching his arm free of her. He found a dirty tent where he was sure no one would look for him. He turned around to survey his surroundings only to be met by a ferocious growl and the roar of a crowd. He was in for it now. He had run into the middle of a show. A show where there were lions, lions that were not in cages, lions being hit with a whip, lions that seemed angry.

Back to Peter because I just had a brilliant idea.

Peter was also captivated. He had just won the most exotic thing he had ever seen. He turned it around to look at it from all angles. He was confused and didn't know what to make of it, but he did know it was beautiful. He turned to ask the stall keeper what this magnificent creature was.

"You sir! What is this muggle contraption?" asked Peter.

"Muggle sir?" was the reply from a confused stall keeper.

"Erm...I mean to say what is this thing? As a completely _normal_ teenage boy I don't seem to be able to figure out what this is," said Peter trying to cover up his mistake. The stall keeper gave him a weird look.

"It's a Barbie doll sir."

To be continued...where did James get bellbottoms? What's the wolf man's name? Will Sirius ever find the dog of his dreams? What is the barbie doll wearing? And how come none of them have bought any kettle corn yet? We'll just have to see...

That stupid line thingy that I usually use for concluding notes isn't working. Damn you line thingy! Sorry about the lack of James. I've got a good plot line for him but putting it in this chapter would've made it too long and the barbie thing was the perfect way to end it.

Oh and please review!


	6. Purple leopard print sombrero

Disclaimer: Still don't own the characters or their magic.  
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"AAAAAAAARHHHHHH!"

The lions roared, the idiot crowd cheered thinking this was part of the show. Sirius was _not_ amused! His eyes were wide with fear; the lions were now bounding up to him. They were using the big bounds today, none of that nancy frolicking. The trainer was not to be seen.

_Stupid useless trainer_ _probably gone to get a fresh whip to make them even _more_ testy_, thought Sirius cynically still standing his ground

Cocking his head to the side to get a better view of the animals he noticed something. Lions really are majestic. They aren't that bad really, once you get over the sharp pointy teeth and intimidating size. The lions were at him now, the first one knocked him over with its paws on his chest. Both of them were on top of him, purring gently and rubbing their heads against Sirius.

Reaching out to pet them the shocked Sirius offered his paw...er hand to the one on the left.

"You look like a Sharon to me, may I call you that?" he asked the lion.

Growl.

"Ohh…oh right. No, not Sharon at all then. How about Shaquille?"

Purr.

"So then you're Sharon?" he asked the one on the right.

Growl.

"Right, Shaun it is," he said and kept petting them. More purring and head rubbing. The crowd was getting bored and so are the readers. The author has run into a brick wall.

MISSING SCENE

"Well that was a simply fabulous escape if I do say so myself," said Sirius outside the lion tent patting the dust off his clothes and walking away unscathed.

------

"Get up now young fellow this 'ere is called loitering," yelled a voice beside Remus' pounding head. Remus peered up at the man and/or lady that was jabbing him with a stick.

"Stop poking me!"

"You're loitering, I almost tripped on you y'know?"

"Well I'm up now. Stop with the stick poking!" yelled Remus as he grabbed the stick, put it over his knee and broke it with unusual ferocity.

"That was my walking stick y'know?"

"Oh god! Sir, I'm terribly sorry."

"Just yankin' ya," said the man as he skipped away.

"Well that was decidedly odd," mumbled Remus looking about. The crowd had cleared now and the wolfman was sitting outside his tent reading a newspaper and puffing on a pipe. Remus didn't know whether he should talk to the man or not. Talking to others of his…relative species might help him the way his friends would never be able to.

Undecided on what he'd talk about with said wolfman Remus went and bought some kettle corn.  
--------

"Whoaaa groovy!" said James picking up a purple leopard print sombrero from a nearby stall and looking at it from all angles.

"I think I'd get disowned if I wore this," he mumbled to himself, "It would look snazzy with my bathing suit though. I'd be the life of any pool party." He put the sombrero down and stumbled his way to the next stall.

A kettle corn booth. Perfect. He got some for himself and chewed happily on the sweet and salty goodness. Two bites in and he had already got the kernels stuck between his teeth. Perfect.

He looked about the many stalls and scanned the crowd for his friends but saw no one. Suddenly a flash of red hair caught his eye from the crowd. He knew that hair any where. She was alone too and seemed to be looking about anxiously for someone. She breezed right by James not seeing him at all. His darling hadn't even seen him! Nevermind, he'd just go after her and start up a conversation, couldn't be that hard.

Couldn't be that hard to chat up Molly Weasley.

OOOH! Ba-dum-chaa!

No! No! Come back my darling readers. It's Lily not Molly! I'm just an arse, bear with me. Right, on with the story.

He followed Lily at a distance munching on his popcorn and making those odd faces as he tried to get the kernels out from between his teeth. Tilting his head to the side he watched the way she walked, hips all swaying. He was wondering how it was that girls learned how to walk like that. He remembered how when he was little, girls his age never walked like that. Was it something their mothers taught them? Did they go to a school for it?

He hadn't realized that as he was trying to fathom out how it was she did it he was trying to mimic her walk. He even had one hand on his swaying hips. The comments from the crowd made him stop.

"Poofter."

"Bloody hippies."

"The kids of today!"

"Homo… milk please." "Those people have their own milk now?"

--------------------

Peter was now trying to win clothes and accessories for his doll. He already had the Barbie mobile pink convertible and 3 dresses of varying shades of pink.

Err…back to James.

--------------------

James was right behind her now. He felt creepy just doing this. She had no idea he was there and this was all rather stalker-ish. He was reaching out to tap her on the shoulder when she turned around.

"Potter!" she exclaimed, seeing his hands she continued, "Were you just about to fondle my hair?"

"No," he put up his hands defensively fearing her wrath, "Let me explain I was following you trying to…" but he was cut off.

"You were following me? Did you take up stalking as a past time this summer Potter?" snapped Lily.

"Oh bugger, that came out wrong. Look, I just wanted to say hello. You know, how's your summer going kind of stuff. Normal_ non _stalker-ish stuff," he tried to explain.

"My summer has been absolutely peachy until you decided to 'talk' to me." she said distractedly still scanning the crowd.

"Now I'm not allowed to talk to a fellow student out of school?" he asked, "Are you looking for someone? I can't help but get the feeling you aren't paying attention to me."

"Yes, I am. And I just found them," she said as she hurried away from him.

"And you had better stop following me Potter. I'm with my boyfriend," she called over her shoulder as she got swept away in the crowds leaving James dejected and all alone again. Well as alone as you could get in a crowd.

As if on cue (it really is a cue though…I mean I cued it so it _is_ on cue) Sirius sauntered up beside James hands in his pockets.

"Was that Evans by any chance?" he asked.

"Mhmm, and as ill tempered as ever it seems," said James still looking in the direction she had vanished. He explained what had happened to Sirius.

"I'm never going to have a chance with her am I? I always thought she and I were made for each other. We'd be the old couple in the park feeding pigeons; we'd be the ones taking sunset river cruises or the ones having fun at the fair together…"

"Did you cut down a tree?" asked Sirius disgusted.

"What? No."

"Then where is all this sap coming from?"

"Oh shut it," muttered James looking down.

"Knock Knock"

"No."

"Come on you have to."

"No I don't and I'm not opening that door no matter how many times you knock."

"Knock knock," said Sirius again.

"Fine. Who's there?"

"I am, and I'll always be there for you," cried Sirius putting his arms out for a hug.

"Did you cut down a forest?"

"No."

"Well I'm bloody drowning in the sap."

"Oh that's cute." "Shut up, tree killer."  
--------------------------

"Let's get something to eat, I'm starving. All I've had is kettle corn," complained Sirius

"Same here. Well, it's either mini donuts or fries and I can't decide," said James stopping between the donut place and the fry's booth.

"Here, I'll help you decide," said Sirius taking James' hand and gesturing between the two booths, "Eeny meeny mieny mo…"

"No no…that ones boring. Use the bullet one."

"Fine. There's-a-man-in-the-grass-with-a-bullet-up-his-arse-take-it-out-take-it-out-like-a-good-boy-scout..." chanted Sirius. At the last word he was pointing James' hand towards the mini donuts place.

"What? Screw it, I want fries anyway," James said already walking over to the fries place.

"Yeah, same here. I want lots of vinegar on them," commented Sirius going after James.

Sitting down at a picnic table facing each other with their hot batch of fries the two of them relaxed and exchanged stories about their day.

"I think you put too much salt on them," sputtered James trying to scrape the salt off his fries with a plastic fork, "They look like they're covered in snow!"

"The cover of the salt shaker fell off when I turned it over," choked out Sirius between coughing and spitting out his fry. They passed their time in silence scraping off the salt until…

"Here, let me have those," said Sirius taking James' sunglasses, "My retinas are burning."

"Your retinas? You aren't the one facing the sun, I am!" complained James.

"My retinas in the back you nob."

"Retinas in the…Do you even know what retinas are?" spluttered James.

"I hope you know that your epidermis is showing," added Sirius lightly.

"My, what…?" James looked down at his pants zipper confused.

"Prongs, epidermis is just a fancy word for skin," remarked Remus suddenly appearing and taking a seat by James.

"Ohhh," said James understanding.

"P?" added Sirius.

"Q" declared Remus.

"U" piped Peter out of no where, "No, that isn't right. Really though, U is always after Q, it should be there."

"Right…so, can we go home now? My feet are sore I keep getting tripped," complained James.

"And I keep getting hit on by circus folk."

"And I ran out of money to accessorize Suzie," whined Peter holding his doll to his chest.

"Suzie?" asked Remus.

"My doll."

"You named it?"

"I named _her_!"

"We've definitely had too much of this place." And with that they walked off into the sunset trying to pick the popcorn kernels out of their teeth.

"Padfoot?" whispered James conspiringly.

"Mmm?"

"Add the doll to the list of things we have to burn."

"Done."

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a/n: I'm sooo sorry I haven't updated. Sneak peak of next chapter: A return of the speedos!

And as always please review!


	7. Prune coloured sheep

a/n: first of all I want to thank all those who review this story, you guys are so awesome! Just trying something with this chapter its almost pure conversation, that's why its so short. Hope y'all like it.  
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"Ahh…it's good to be home," sighed James attempting to remove his platforms, "I can't wait to take a nice hot shower."

"Same here," piped Peter.

"Sounds good to me," said Remus hanging up his coat.

"Wait a tick, we can't all be taking showers together," replied Sirius.

"I don't think we were planning on showering together anyway Padfoot," said a slightly disturbed James from the couch.

"No, not like that. I meant we'd use up all the hot water. Why don't we just use the hot tub in the backyard?"

"Well I would like a nice long soak…," supposed Remus.

"Not a bad idea Sirius," James said rubbing his sore feet.

"Can I bring Suzie?"

"No!" came the collective reply from all three boys.

"B...but I bought her a bathing suit, when else is she going to wear it?" blubbered Peter.

"I swear Wormtail, if you bring that dratted thing along I'm shaving her bald!"

"You wouldn't!" gasped Peter holding the doll protectively against himself.

"Oh wouldn't I?" asked Sirius with a mad glint in his eyes.

"Padfoot, quit acting like a homicidal maniac. Everyone go get changed," called out Remus, "And don't even think about wearing that yellow bikini Peter!"

-----------

10 minutes later the hot tub was occupied by four teenage boys in speedos.

"This good…"

"This very good."

"Use proper grammar!" shouted Remus.

Silence.

"Is me."

"Is you?"

"Yeah, is me."

"Grrr!" cried an aggravated Remus.

More silence.

"You know what's a funny word?" asked Sirius.

"Mmm?" asked Peter lazily.

"Spackle."

"Mmm."

"Stupid question game, guys?" asked James.

"How do you play?"

"You ask stupid questions."

"Sounds easy enough in theory Prongs, but what if the question isn't stupid?" inquired Remus.

"Er...then you ask another question?"

"Oooh, let me go first, I'm really good at this," said Peter excitedly.

"Go."

"What's your favourite kind of light fixture?"

"Chandeliers," replied Sirius.

"That's more of an odd question than a stupid one Peter. But I'd have to go with tiffany lamps," said Remus.

"I'm more of a spotlight kind of guy myself," answered James, "Remus, it's your turn."

"What's the last thing you've thought of starting a collection of?"

"Thoughts," nodded Sirius thoughtfully.

"Whoa, deep. Uhm…ornate carved wooden boxes," replied Peter.

"Carpet samples," deadpanned James, "Padfoot your turn."

"Does any one else think the word 'straighten' looks German?" asked Sirius

"Nein," said Remus blankly.

"Yes, oddly it does." answered Peter

"I think it's the "ght" in the middle of the word. Only the Germans would put so many consonants together," stated James, "Alright, my turn. What would you name your daughter?"

"Albertina," said Peter.

"That is so not a real name!" argued Sirius.

"Is too! It's the female version of Albert."

"That's Alberta!" stated Sirius.

"Well _that's_ a stupid name," retorted Peter.

"Whatever, I'd name mine Mindy," said Sirius.

"I always thought Chriselle had a nice ring to it," pondered Remus, "What about you Prongs?"

"I think she'd be a Hannah, I kind of like 'H' names," said James forebodingly.

"Why did you say that forebodingly?" asked a confused Peter.

"It's like foreshadowing but with a different word," explained Remus.

"Yes, but why are you foreshadowing? Is there something I should know about?" complained Peter.

"Hydrochloric acid," answered Remus simply.

"Well, other than that?"

"Nope, your turn Wormtail," said James flipping water at said boy.

"If you were a cow," started Peter immediately getting weird looks, "What would your cow name be?"

"Betsy," replied James with lightning speed.

"Given it thought have you Prongs? I see myself as a Thor really," answered Sirius.

"Daisy, it's a pretty common cow name," bubbled Remus his head almost submerged in the water, "Hey, how long do you think we can stay up?"

"Up?" questioned Sirius raising an eyebrow and looking down at his crotch.

"I meant how long you think we can stay awake?" corrected Remus bringing his head above the water.

"I think we can make 2 days without caffeine," responded James.

"I'm shooting for 4 days with caffeine," said Sirius competitively.

"We won't make it through the night," alleged Peter.

"Pessimist! Have you no faith?" accused Sirius.

"Fine, why don't we try and put this to the test?" asked Peter.

"Fine, I've already started. Look at me…I'm not sleeping," said Sirius pointing to himself.

"I bet I can go longer," argued James.

They pass their time soaking in silence. Sirius yawned and set the other three off yawning as well.

"I'm tired, I bet it's been hours," yawned Peter.

"It's been 11 minutes," said Remus looking at his watch.

"I look like a prune," complained James looking at his fingers.

"Not a right sight better than you usually do then," quipped Sirius.

"Bah!" exclaimed James throwing his hands up.

"Sheep!" accused Sirius.

----------------  
To be continued...Will our fearsome foursome make it through the night? Was the barbie doll's swimsuit a two piece? Did the German's come up with the word straighten?  
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a/n: err...yeah. Review!


	8. Plaid pull out couch

a/n: yay I updated!  
----------------------------------------------------  
"Look! Its Padfoot's feet," said James from the floor, "Or is it Padfeet's foot? Oooh that's a sexy plant." He was now hugging said plant.

"Alright that's enough Prongs," said Remus hauling him onto the plaid pull-out couch next to him.

"Ugh, another sweaty ball sack to join the three already here?" complained Sirius, rolling away from the others. All four of them were now laying side by side on the pull-out. Peter was teetering on the edge with his left buttock hanging over the side.

"Stop complaining, I'm sandwiched between two sweaty ball sacks," replied Remus hotly.

"Stop referring to us by our sacks, mine is definitely _not_ sweaty," snapped James. They were all interrupted by a great snore from the sweatiest of them all.

"Peter, you aren't allowed to sleep!"

"Sirius get the…the thing we use to wake people up," said James helplessly.

"The hammer?"

"No! How do you-" But James never finished. Remus had already woken Peter up.

"We have to last the night Peter! It's a matter of pride and dignity. How will we ever live with ourselves? How?"

"Just-," tried Peter stifling a yawn, "just resting my eyes, guys. What's the t..t..time now?"

"2:30"

"Only 2:30?"

"We need a plan, something to keep us awake," said Sirius already looking around for an idea.

"Ohhh! I know I know," said James turning to Remus, "Do you know how to shuffle a deck of cards?"

"Wha- no? Should I?" asked a thoroughly confused Remus.

"Perfect! Come we'll teach you," said James already dragging the protesting werewolf to the dining table, "Sirius get the cards, Peter the drinks!" Soon they were settled around the table with steaming cups of coffee in front of them waiting for Sirius to find the cards.

"Why did you put straws in the coffee Wormtail?" asked James. It looked like Remus was trying to say something but James shushed him.

"So that you can shuffle and drink at the same time!" replied Peter, proud that he had come up with something so brilliant. Remus tried again but was cut of.

"Ah Wormtail, always thinking aren't you?" said James already sucking his coffee through a straw, "AAAAUGGHHH! MY THROAT IS ON FIRE!" cried James holding his throat and gasping.

"I tried to warn you! Never suck hot liquids through a straw, you eejit," said Remus.

"Well now I know don't I?" gasped James trying to blow cold air into his own mouth. It wasn't working. Sirius had finally found the cards; he came in and sat down at the table.

"Alright Moony, there are many ways to shuffle a deck of cards," said Sirius already demonstrating his talent and rifling through the deck, "But since I only know one way to do it, that's what you're going to learn."

"But, we're wizards, we have self-shuffling decks. Why do I have to learn how to do this?"

"Ahh but come now Moony, it's a social necessity," said James taking the deck from Sirius and doing a bridge with the cards.

"But I'm rubbish at shuffling, believe me I've tried. If I shuffle we'll just end up playing 52 pick up," protested Moony.

"Well this time you try you'll have three excellent teachers to help you through it," said Sirius.

"Moony, it's simple. Even I can do it, I just sort of…do it, no thinking involved," said Peter, sipping his coffee carefully. Sirius handed Remus the cards and told him to do it just like he had shown him.

Half an hour later they had given up. Remus really was rubbish at it.

"You're hopeless," sighed James leaning back in his chair.

"Downright terrible," mumbled Sirius his face smushed into the table.

"I'll go get some bagels," said Peter stumbling towards the kitchen. They watched him go through bleary eyes

"It's only 3?" whined Sirius taking a look at Remus' wristwatch.

"Argh! This night will never end," cried James as he hit his head against the table with a thud, "Ow…"

"Let's play Blackjack," yawned Remus.

"Fine, but I'm shuffling," said Sirius taking the deck away.

7 games of Blackjack and 1 game of Go Fish later…

"Got any threes?" asked Sirius.

"Go fish you lousy berk!" replied James

"Say, where did Peter go?" questioned Remus.

"Bagels I think he said,"

"Right, got any threes?"

"Go fish you spotty arsed nutter!"

"When did this turn into an insult game?"

"About two 'go fishes' ago."

"Ah…," said Sirius trying to comprehend, "Got any threes?"

"WILL YOU JUST GO FISHING ALREADY?" yelled Remus.

"I'm bored," complained Sirius slapping down his cards.

"Well that's shocking," said Remus dryly, also putting his cards down.

-----  
Meanwhile…in the pantry. Peter was fast asleep using a bag of flour as a pillow and snoring quite loudly. We'll leave him there shall we? He had never found his bagels.

-----

Back to the other three…

Remus, James and Sirius were now standing on top of the make-shift stage (the pull-out couch) holding glasses up to their mouths singing…

"_All my friends know the low rider…" _

"The low rider is a little higher…"

"_The low rider drives a little slower…"_

_  
"Take a little trip, take a little trip and see…" _

Thud.

"Pathetic"

"I can't believe he couldn't last the night. It's only four," said Sirius looking down at the collapsed form of his friend on the floor. Apparently Remus could only take so much.

"Well, it's down to just you and me now Padfoot. I have a feeling those bagels ate Peter before he got a chance to eat them," said James addressing Sirius very seriously. Hah.

"Mmm bagels," said Sirius making his way to the kitchen.

"No, Sirius. It's too dangerous to go in there," cried James holding Sirius back.

"They wouldn't eat us too would they? Peter should have filled them up."

"We don't know that, they may still be hungry. We just don't know! I know you want those bagels Sirius maybe someday you and I will sit in a field and eat those bagels but not this day," said James somberly, "Come; let us jump on my mother's bed,"

"You always know how to make me feel better Prongs," said Sirius grasping James' shoulder with one hand and turning aside "Oh Peter! I will grieve thee! Curse you wicked bagels of the East; we will defeat you one day," he concluded; shaking his fist towards the kitchen.

"Which side is east anyway? Left or right?" asked James as he led the way to his parents' room.

"No, no you got it all wrong. East is in front of you and the North is to your left," corrected Sirius.

"Oh, right."

"This is an exceptionally bouncy mattress," shouted Sirius as he jumped.

"Yeah, there's a bouncing charm on it wouldn't you know?"

They kept bouncing until…

"I should go do the laundry," said Sirius finally stopping.

"Yeah you should, I'll go make us some coffee."

"Hey, be careful in there," said Sirius grasping James' shoulder.

"Don't worry about me, I'll be taking protection."

Half an hour later Sirius emerged from the laundry room with wet shriveled up hands to find James in the kitchen.

"Why is there a teddy bear under your arm?"

"Jake is my protection. And anyway, he's a dog not a bear!" retorted James.

"Not much protection eh?" asked Sirius eyeing the many bagel bites James had received.

"Oh, these? No I got these cuts from a tea spoon as I was adding sugar to the coffee," explained James.

"How did you—Is that even possible?"

"Apparently."

"So why is there a bagel stuck to your arm?" asked Sirius after a moment of silence

"Really sticky jam?"

"Right..."

Silence.

"Holy hell Prongs, are you seeing what I'm seeing?" questioned Sirius excitedly

"I don't think I'm seeing anything. This blasted sun is in my eyes."

"That's just it you sod! The sun! We made it through the night!"

"Hurrah," said James unenthusiastically, "Now what do we do?"

"Celebrate?"

James shook his head.

"Wake up the others?"

James shook his head again.

"Get some effin' sleep?"

James nodded and made his way over to the plaid pull out couch that Remus was passed out on. James fell asleep in an instant with Jake still under his arm. Sirius went and lay down on the other side of Remus. Against his best wishes Remus had still been sandwiched between two sweaty ball sacks.

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a/n: I'm sorry it's been a while. But I have to end this fic soon. My own lazy summer days are ending this week and writing a fic like this during school just won't work. Which is why I already have a sequel in the making. And this time I have a plot!

Review review review!


	9. White hot blaze

a/n: Well, here it is. The last chapter, I'm not too happy with it. I made it a little longer than usual. But I just _had _to end it now because I've already posted the "sequel"  
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Tap tap.

"Go away!" moaned James.

Tappity tap.

"Not now, away with you!" yawned James.

Tappity tap tap tap!

The ferocious tapping was getting more…ferocious. James finally opened his eyes and had to immediately shade them against the glaring sun. There was an extremely angry owl outside the window with a letter attached to it. As he was the only one awake he made his way over to the window to let the bird in.

He ripped open the envelope encasing the letter and skimmed it, his eyebrows traveling further and further up his forehead with every line.

"WAKE UP YOU LAZY SODS!" he yelled to his friends, "My parents are coming home today! We have to clean this bloody mess up!" His efforts were rewarded with a pillow flying into his head.

He immediately started picking things up, his hands moving in a blur. This didn't slow him; he continued yelling at his friends to wake up.

"Shut up you little blighter! Some of us are trying to get some sleep!" yelled Sirius.

"Parents. Home. Today," yelled James.

"They're coming back from Denmark (a/n: Hi Freja!) today? Oh shit! This place is a mess," said Sirius jumping out of bed.

"That's why I've been trying to wake you! Now you wake up Remus, I'll get Peter. Move move move! We've got four hours to clean this crap up," yelled James already making his way to the kitchen to find Peter. It was 2 o'clock and he realized he was very hungry so he stopped by the pantry.

There was a pack of bagels lying on the ground. He sat on a rather lumpy bag of flour and started munching on a bagel. He was on his second bagel when he realized the bag of flour had started moving.

"James, is there any reason you're sitting on my face?" asked the bag of flour. Thoroughly shocked that bags _had_ faces he replied to the bag.

"I was hungry."

"James, get off me. Your arse is not something I want to see in the morning," complained the bag.

"Well I guess bags can't tell time, it's afternoon," argued James, still sitting on the bag.

"I'm not a bag!"

"This is no time for an identity crisis, bag," said James still eating an un-toasted unbuttered bagel. Ew.

"It's _Peter, _you nut!" cried the bag.

"Well why didn't you say so? I was looking for you," said James getting off Peter's face and dusting bagel crumbs off his lap.

"I'm sure you were," said Peter getting to his feet.

"By the way, how did you know it was my ass?"

"Weight ratio?" tried Peter.

"Right. Anyway, my parent's will be coming home today and this place looks like a pigsty. Come on we have got to clean this place up!"

"Today? But they said next week!"

"Something unexpected came up."

"So their coming home all the way from Poland for it? That could take days."

"Apparating Peter," said James slowly trying to make Peter understand.

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SPLASH

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH"

"You moved, not fair!"

"Is there a reason why you emptied a whole jug of water into my ear?"

"Trying to wake you up," replied Sirius brightly, "Oh and the Potter's are coming home early from Finland."

"No! This place looks like shite! I promised Mrs. Potter I'd keep this place clean."

The next two hours the boys worked in a frenzy cleaning up the house. The laundry was washed and hung out to dry. The bathrooms were cleaned courtesy of Peter because he pulled the short straw. The kitchen was cleaned and the pantry organized. The beds were made. The clothes were put into drawers and closets.

When all was done the four boys sat on the couch gasping for breath, chests heaving. The house was spick and span. The bathroom and the kitchen were spotless. And everything was in its place.

"We deserve a medal."

"A big shiny one," said Peter.

"Well that's usually what medals look like," said Remus.

"I've seen some pretty un-shiny ones," shrugged Peter.

Tap tap.

"Whoa, it's like deja-vu man!" said James.

Tappity tap.

"Not this again, I'll go get it," said James already getting up. He opened the window to let another owl in. The owl flew straight to Peter and stuck out its leg for him to take the envelope.

Peter read it and moaned halfway through. When he was done he started sobbing.

"My cat's d…d…dead!" he sobbed, "He got run over by one of those damn Muggle automobiles."

"So? You're a rat," said Sirius unhelpfully.

"What? He was still my pet!"

"But, how can you have a cat for a pet when you know that it would eat you given the chance?" questioned Sirius, "That's like James keeping a bear for a pet."

"Hey! I could _so_ take a bear!"

"Look, the thing is I'd really like to go home to see my cat before they bury the body," explained Peter.

"Bury it? You're better off just throwing it in the refuse bin, Pete."

"How can you be so hurtful?" cried a teary Peter.

"Peter calm down. Sirius is just an arse. It's alright, you should go home to see your cat," said Remus kindly.

"Right," said Peter dabbing away his tears, "I'll just go pack my stuff up. I guess I can take the London Underground to get home." He went upstairs to search for his clothes that he had shoved into the closet. When he was out of earshot the conversation started up again.

"5 galleons says he gets lost of the Underground," said Sirius rubbing his hands together.

"Make that 7," added James.

45 minutes of pointless conversation later Mrs. Pettigrew was at the door to pick up her son.

"Well I guess he can't get lost now," sighed Sirius.

"Whatever, you still owe me 7 galleons, I paid for lunch that one time remember?" said James.

"Peter! Your mother's here to take you home," yelled Remus up the stairs. Peter came thundering down the stairs with 5 bags strapped around him.

"You only came with 2 bags, how could you possibly have 5 now?" asked James curiously.

"I suck at packing and…all of Suzie's clothes take up a lot of space," Peter whispered looking surreptitiously at his mother, "By the way, James I can't find Suzie, if she turns up could you bring her to school with you next week?"

"Er…sure Pete."

"Great, well thanks for letting me to stay. I had a great time. Yes, coming mother," said Peter, closing the door behind him.

"Gosh, that took long enough, now who's got the lighter?" asked Sirius excitedly.

"Bring the doll to school, honestly! Where did we go wrong with him?" said James.

"It wasn't our fault James, it would've happened anyway. I've got three lighters Sirius, red black and blue. Dibs on blue!" cried Remus.

"I want black!" yelled James.

"Nooo! But black practically belongs to me, we even share the same name," whined Sirius.

"No, screw you. You're stuck with red."

"Aww, alright. James have you got the stuff?"

"Have I ever," said James going off to a little hall closet and pulling out a box labeled 'Stuff to burn'.

"Excellent, now we just have to set up a good old rip roaring blaze and we'll be halfway done," said Remus.

20 minutes later they were still working on their good old rip roaring blaze and weren't having much luck.

10 minutes after their 20 minutes later they had only sparked a small flame and were urging it to get bigger.

12 minutes after their 10 minutes after their 20 minutes later they had their good old rip roaring blaze and were standing around it ceremoniously.

"Good friends, we are gathered here today to do what we have to do. This summer escapes us like a ghost on a snow day. Summer is near its end and we must burn the evil things of this summer that we didn't like just like the heathen kings of old," said Sirius solemnly, "We shall all take turns throwing items into the blaze. Remus you're first, please step forward and name what it is you hold."

"4 black Speedos," said Remus as he flung the accursed things into the fire. They all watched as the fire shot out sparks.

"One yellow bikini," said James solemnly as he held it up with a pair of tongs and then threw it in the fire.

"One pod of garlic as a memoir to our cooking experiences," said Sirius.

"Three cooking books, they must leave us because of what Peter did to them," said Remus.

"One toilet seat soiled by the end of Peter's constipation," said James holding up a toilet seat wrapped in plastic, "Come on we have to hurry this up, my parents might be home any second now."

"Right. One copy of 'Everybody Poops'"

"James' hippy clothing, because they're vile."

"Two circus tickets, because only two of us actually bought tickets." "One bag of kettle corn for the teeth problems it caused us."

"One red checked tablecloth… wait a tick, how did that get in there?"

"My mistake lets not burn that. I think my mother likes that one."

"Right then, back to business. Empty bag of bagels."

"Deck of cards."

"Suzie's two piece pink swimsuit."

"Last and certainly the least, we have Suzie herself. I knicked her from Peter's room while we were cleaning. This thing deserves to be burned," said Sirius shaking the doll violently and casting her into the inferno.

"That was a good summer, I can't believe it's gone by so soon. We'll be back in school by this time next week. Can you believe it boys? Sixth year! We're seniors!" said James.

"Time really does fly; first year seems like only the day after yesterday," said Sirius wiping fake tears away.

"The day _after_ yesterday is today, git," said Remus.

"Right, I mean the day before tomorrow," corrected Sirius.

"That's _also_ today," said Remus.

"Well, I guess there's no time like the present eh?" said Sirius, "So how about you go whip us up some drinks Moony and we…" but he was cut off.

POP. POP.

The Potters had just apparated home and were standing in the doorway.

"Ahh, there you boys are. How has your week been? Got a good old rip roaring blaze going eh?" inquired Mr. Potter politely.

"Yeah, we're all fine, Dad. No mischief, no arrests, and we weren't even planning on burning the house down with this fire."

"Good good, why don't you go get some marshmallows James and we'll tell you all about our trip to Africa," said Mrs. Potter.

"Africa? We thought you were in Eastern Europe somewhere?" asked Remus confused.

"Nope, it's been Africa. I'm sure we've said so in our letters when I wrote to you about what we had done here. You can't go on safaris in Ukraine, you know."

"But, what about the cheese platter? That was distinctly European cheese," asked Sirius.

"Oh that was from _South_ Africa," said Mr. Potter.

"Oh… of course."

"James, darling I was wondering if you had seen my yellow swim suit? I thought I had packed it along for the trip but I just couldn't find it," asked Mrs. Potter

"Haven't seen it, Mum," said James innocently.

**The End**

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Review and I'll love you forever! And go read Self Control and review that too and I might love you more! Thank you to all those people who reviewed! You made me very happy. I hope all of you had a great summer like our favourite foursome but summers over now. sobs This is so emotional.


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